The Love Guru
by Lily Orange
Summary: What exactly will happen when Sirius decides to help Harry entrance Ginny with his magnificent advice on how to get girls to fall for you? Much hilarity, friendship, fun, embarrassment and romance, that's what!
1. Don't Use Sirius' Chat Up Lines!

**The Love Guru**

_By Lily Orange_

**Summary: **Harry turns to his godfather, Sirius Black, infamous womaniser, for relationship advice with Ginny. Unfortunately for Harry, Sirius is not the most ahem, _serious_ of Love Gurus. What ensues is hilarity, romance, friendship and fun...

**A/N: **Hi! I'm back - after what, a couple of days? Well this is the start of a story I'm writing for my lovely friend Tanny Apple's birthday in March time - and this is as far as I've got as I've begun working on another story which I'll start posting in a couple of weeks :) therefore this is going to remain as the first chapter until after her birthday in March as otherwise she'll read it, hehe!

Thank you so much for all the support I had through **Such Sweethearts **and **You Leave Me Breathless** - I really appreciated it and seeing all those lovely reviews made my day! I hope you like this just as much, please review :) Have a great week!

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**Chapter 1**

**For Merlin's Sake, Don't Use Sirius' Chat Up Lines!**

"So, Harry," Sirius Black began, sitting comfortably on the now completely clean and absent of moth holes settee at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, "I hear that _you _have something you wanted to ask me... about a certain young, pretty redhead..."

"What?" Harry replied abruptly. The sixteen-year-old physically felt his pulse quicken slightly, but hoped his somewhat idiotic and stupid reply was nonchalant enough to stop Sirius from pursuing the subject any further.

"Aw, come on Harry," Sirius grinned widely, "don't play the brainless teenager with me. I know something's up with that redhead!"

"I wasn't playing," Harry said, "and, um, what redhead?"

"Harry," Sirius snorted with laughter, and leaned forward on the sofa to lessen the gap between him and his godson, who was sat opposite him on a stack of old copies of the _Daily Prophet_, gulping down pumpkin juice from the large goblet in his hand, "I know."

"Know what? About what redhead?" Harry continued, attempting to be indifferent. His hands were clenching his goblet tightly now, for fear of Sirius actually discovering anything incriminating.

"What redhead? Harry, the younger sister of your best friend, the redhead who, at this present moment in time, is helping her mother cook a Sunday roast in the kitchen just the floor above us," Sirius said, his stormy grey eyes, the sames ones that had charmed many a woman in his day, looking up to the ceiling pointedly. Harry's emerald green eyes, the exact size and shape of his mother's, followed involuntarily.

"Still don't know what you mean," Harry shrugged, looking down to the floor, deciding this was the best way to keep himself from being found out.

Sirius merely laughed, but not in a mocking way. "I mean _Ginny_," Sirius continued, placing careful emphasis on the name of the fifteen-year-old who was currently gossiping away with her mother upstairs whilst chopping up zillions of vegetables for the roast which the Weasley family, Harry, Hermione and Sirius would be sharing. He smiled when he observed Harry's face flush beetroot red, blatantly giving away exactly what the young man had been trying to conceal.

"Oh, Ginny?" Harry said, trying to rectify the situation even though he knew his body temperature was rising exponentially, and his stomach was dancing in somersaults. "Yeah, we're friends."

"You know who said that to me?" Sirius told him reminiscently. "Your lovely mother. You obviously know the stories we have told you about James' consistent pursuit of Lily Evans, his goddess divine. Well, during our sixth year, she started hanging around with him more and more, organising sometimes to do homework together in the library, sitting nearer him at mealtimes and even meeting with us, the Marauders, in the Three Broomsticks with her friends. So, naturally, one evening when it was just me and Lily in the Gryffindor Common Room, me trying to break the Marauder record for how many chairs I could lounge across at once and Lily completing an essay for Professor Slughorn, I asked her about James. I remember the whole conversation; I said, 'Lily, you seem to be awfully close to a certain messy-haired Quidditch captain best friend of mine,' to which she looked up and did exactly what you just did, tried to nonchalantly deny it. So then I went, 'Are you sure Lily? You are spending a lot of time with _James_ at the moment,' and she blushed, her face turning so scarlet it practically matched her hair. Still she tried to deny it, but I knew better. Well, I went and liaised with her friends a little bit and they filled me in. And, do you know what happened Harry? They ended up _married_."

"I'm a bit young for marriage, Sirius," Harry pointed out, forgetting to keep his guard down on his feelings for his best friend Ron Weasley's younger sister Ginny.

"So you do admit it, then?" Sirius said, beaming at him excitedly.

"That's, that's – not what I said," Harry stuttered.

"But it's what you mean, right?" Sirius said. "There's no point trying to keep it from me Harry. I am an expert when it comes to women."

"Yeah," Harry snorted.

"Actually I am," Sirius retorted.

"Prove it."

"Okay. I had forty-three girlfriends when I was at Hogwarts, three fan clubs dedicated after me, was named 'Hogwarts' Sexiest Marauder' for four years running, I won out of all of us. It would have been your dad but he was too wrapped up in Lily to give anybody else a chance, which I kind of admire. But anyway, I charmed my way through all those girls and left a lasting impression which meant that I had graffiti dedicated to me in the girls' toilets, on the mirrors in permanent ink, surrounding by lipstick marks–" Sirius began reeling off all his female-related achievements.

"And how do you know that?" Harry interjected inquisitively.

"Don't ask; it was a strange day. Almost as strange as the day we transfigured three desks in an empty classroom into large pink elephants who, when released into the wild, i.e. the school corridors, danced amongst the students like they were at a siesta. But, more on that another day..." Sirius smiled sheepishly. "Now, where was I? Oh yes, graffiti. I had three thousand and twelve notes shoved under our dorm room door over my time at Hogwarts, some of which I have kept as they make me laugh every time."

"Can I read them?" Harry questioned, intrigued.

"I suppose," Sirius said, getting up off the settee and wandering over to the bookcase, on which was a faded Zonko's Joke Shop box that used to contain, Harry observed, Dr Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks, favoured particularly by the Weasley twins. "Here you go!" he said, plonking the surprisingly heavy box in Harry's lap.

"Bloody hell, Sirius," Harry cursed, prising open the lid which had been spellotaped down in several places.

"Harry, watch your language," Sirius warned, "what you should have said was, 'Bloody hell, Sirius, this is bleeding heavy!'"

Harry laughed and picked up the first letter, which was written in shocking pink ink and bordered by hearts and flowers interlinked with small letters constantly spelling out, 'I Love You', and began to read.

_Dearest, darling Sirius, _it read,

_You may not know me but my name is Rabina Reander, and I am a fifth-year Ravenclaw, and I am utterly in love with you and believe that we, together, would make the loveliest couple Hogwarts, neigh, the WORLD, has ever seen. Don't you see how well our names fit together?: Sirius and Rabina. Rabina and Sirius. We can put your name first if you like, and I will fully take your surname and name our child, if male, Sirius Junior. Sirius Junior will be the most blessed child on this earth as he will inherit your supreme wit, intelligence, striking and incomparable looks and enchanting eyes. _

_You know this is a future for you Sirius; I am seriously in love with you._

_Yours, forever and ever,_

_Rabina Reander xxx_

"Ah, Rabina," Sirius smiled. "She was a very obsessive fan girl."

"What did she, er, go on to do?" Harry asked.

"As soon as she left school she embarked upon a search of the world to find my equal, as she obviously didn't want my brother – but, she returned to London, dejected and defeated in her search, and died of loneliness," Sirius said histrionically.

"What _really _happened to her?" Harry inquired sceptically, eyebrows raised suspiciously.

"She went to work in Eeylops Owl Emporium," Sirius provided. Harry smirked and put Rabina's crazy letter aside so he could read the next one.

_Sirius I am the perfect girl for you and think that you would love me once you got to know me, seeing as you've never spoken to me. However I've watched you from afar and know instinctively that you would love me just as much as I love you. _

_I love you,_

_Cynthia Moore _

"Well that was to the point," Harry commented in amusement. "Are all of them pretty much like this?"

"Yeah – but I do have a personal favourite," Sirius informed him, taking the box and rifling through the papers.

"So what happened to Cynthia? Without the dramatics?" Harry questioned.

"She sat on the bench outside this house every day, all day, watching my bedroom window until my _charming _mother zapped her one day with a ray gun–" Sirius began histrionically, but Harry just looked at him, dying not to laugh.

"What! I've been reading these books Hermione bought me, these science-fiction things, they're good!" he said, holding his hands up in defence. "Um, I think Cynthia went to work for the Ministry in the animals office."

"Why are they all obsessed with animals?" Harry asked him.

"I don't know, to tell you the truth," Sirius laughed. "Perhaps it's because after they fell in love with me, they could only find companionship in animals."

"That's likely," Harry snorted.

"Thanks, Harry, for believing in me so much. Anyway, here's my personal favourite," Sirius told him, handing over a piece of parchment that had very little writing on it, as most of the space was taken up with a highly detailed drawing of Sirius and a girl named, Harry observed from the curly signature at the bottom, Arabella Weatherby, getting married.

"It gets even more entertaining if you turn it over," Sirius said, seeing Harry's laughing face.

Harry obliged, and saw that on the back that Arabella – who, it had to be said, was a talented artist – had drawn four children, two boys and two girls, that would be her and Sirius' children. She had even labelled them in her loopy handwriting with how they resembled both her and Sirius and how they would inherit all of Sirius' attributes.

"Merlin – what the bloody hell happened to her?"

"Now, this is actually one hundred percent _true_: she writes the love advice column in the _Daily Prophet_, she is Aunty Arabella," Sirius guffawed. Harry joined in – it was kind of funny.

"How did you do it then? I mean, get all these girls to like you?" Harry inquired meekly.

"With my devilish good looks and handsome brain," Sirius said superciliously, jumping up from the settee and replacing the box of letters on the shelf.

"Um, yeah, sure," Harry shook his head disbelievingly and leaned back against the wall behind him. The stack of newspapers he was sitting on was quite comfortable, especially when he put that cushion on top of them.

"But anyway, this isn't about _me_," Sirius reminded his godson emphatically, "this is about _you _and _Ginny_."

At the mentioning of Ginny's name, Harry instantaneously reddened uncontrollably.

"You can't keep doing that, otherwise you'll give it away! But I suspect some people already know – you could go down the James Potter 'I-Want-Everybody-In-The-World-To-Know-That-I'm-In-Love-With-Lily' route, but, to be honest, it's probably not the best way to go about it. I'd recommend the Sirius Black 'I'll-Use-My-Natural-Gifts-To-Make-This-Girl-Like-Me-Back-And-Realise-How-Bloody-Sexy-I-Am' way of going about it," Sirius said cheerfully.

"Who else knows? How did you know about it in the first place?" Harry asked indignantly.

"Your very clever bushy-haired friend who is sat in the library two floors above us," Sirius smiled enigmatically. "But that's not important. What is important is that you get your foot in the door with Ginny."

Harry squirmed at this and Sirius shook his head, "Get your mind out of the gutter Harry, not even I was that bad... well, perhaps a little. But anyway, you need to give her an inkling at you like her."

"What does that entail?"

"Harry, you're making it sound like an exam or a job! You like this girl, for Merlin's sake! You _chat her up_," Sirius said slowly as if talking to an imbecile.

"Um," Harry said nervously, "I'm not the best at that."

"Sure you're not. You had a girlfriend last year, didn't you? That stunning Chinese girl, what was her name?" Sirius inquired.

"Cho," Harry provided, "but Ginny's different to Cho. I can actually talk to Ginny, whereas Cho it was more, 'Oh-My-Merlin-This-Girl-Is-Looking-At-Me-And-Smiling'."

"Do you still like Cho, then?" Sirius said, wrinkling his nose.

"No. I like Ginny. But how do I chat her up? With Cho I comforted her when she was crying... and, well, one thing led to another..." Harry said unsurely.

"Easy. You pick a chat up line from Sirius Black's supreme list of them!" Sirius said, drawing a rolled up piece of parchment out of his pocket. "It got James a girlfriend, who was then his wife, didn't it?"

"Hmmn," Harry said doubtfully, taking the parchment gingerly out of his godfather's hand.

"Cast your eyes down and pick one!" Sirius encouraged.

Harry did what he was told: well, the first part anyway. He scanned the list and read lots of different cheesy chat up lines scrawled in Sirius' handwriting.

_If you were a garden I'd put your two lips and my two lips together ... Is your dad a burglar? Just speculating because he must have stolen the stars to go in your [insert eye colour here] eyes ... Is your dad a terrorist? Because you're the bomb ... If I controlled the alphabet I'd rearrange it and put U and I together ... What colour eyes do you reckon our children will have ... Is that a ladder in your tights or is it the stairway to heaven ..._

"Sirius?" Harry asked, his emerald eyes glued to the bottom of the parchment.

"Yep? You think it's a work of genius, don't you?" Sirius winked.

"Er, I suppose, but – why does it say, at the bottom, in what looks like female handwriting, 'For Merlin's sake, don't use Sirius' chat up lines'?" Harry grinned roguishly.

"That was Lily, that was," Sirius shook his head exasperatedly, "she didn't appreciate my high amounts of wit and intelligence."

"Yeah, 'cause you had _bags _of them, didn't you?" Harry teased. "Though I kind of agree with my mum's advice."

"Just pick one!" Sirius growled. "They are a hundred percent guaranteed to work every time."

"I don't think Ginny will appreciate them, to be honest," Harry told him earnestly and, at that point, the girl herself sauntered in and plonked herself down on the sofa beside Sirius, smiling brightly.

"What won't I appreciate?" she asked curiously. Harry couldn't but help notice the way her brown eyes glinted, reflecting the sun's rays, which were streaming in through the window; or the way she subconsciously tossed her hair over her shoulder and it looked all tousled and beautifully crimson; or the way when she smiled she made him feel weak at the knees.

"Nothing," Harry said, and concurrently Sirius invented the excuse of, "This old book I found." They looked at each other shiftily.

"Nothing," Sirius conceded, at the same time as Harry saying, "This old book Sirius found."

Ginny raised her eyebrows charily. "So what is it – nothing or an old book Sirius found?"

"Er, the old book," Harry answered rapaciously. "You'd hate it, it's all, um, rubbish and moth-eaten."

"Well, you never know, Hermione might be able to fix it up for me," she grinned, "let's see it."

Harry and Sirius just looked at each other, panic-stricken, whilst Ginny watched them with interest.

"I think you left it upstairs, didn't you, Harry?" Sirius said meaningfully and nodded towards the door.

"Oh, er, yeah, I did," Harry informed her.

"Well, go and get it then!" Ginny prompted him. Harry didn't need to be asked twice; he immediately exited the room and bounded up the stairs in the direction of the library.

"_Hermione_!" he called desperately as he deposited himself on the landing. His brunette, bushy-haired friend poked her head out from behind the open door of the library.

"Wha– are you okay, Harry? You look a bit out of breath," she observed, moving aside to let him in.

"Can you find me a moth-eaten old book that's rubbish?" Harry begged her.

"Honestly, Harry, no books are rubbish!" she reprimanded him. "Except perhaps these pureblood ones, but I'm going to ask Sirius if we can throw them away. Maybe we could go to Flourish and Blotts, seeing as he is a free man now, and buy some books!" she continued excitedly. Harry rolled his eyes whilst his best friend went off on a tangent about book shopping.

"Hermione, please just find me a book!" he cut in the middle of her rambling speech about the highs and lows of buying books.

"How about this one?" she suggested, picking a particularly old and mouldy-looking volume from the top shelf of a bookcase behind the door.

"Perfect," Harry agreed as he scanned the title – _The Goblin Dictionary_. "This is great. Thanks Hermione!" he said, running out of the library, and leaving his bewildered friend behind.

He banged open the door to the room in which Sirius and Ginny were in, and presented her with the book, ardently wishing that he wasn't blushing when she looked at him.

She took one look of the title, pulled a face, and said, "I think you were right, Harry. This looks like a bloody awful book." She calmly handed it back to him and smiled. "See you at dinner, Harry!"

When she had left the room, both Harry and Sirius breathed a sigh of relief.

"Er, Sirius..." Harry began.

"What?"

"Why exactly _do _you have a Goblin dictionary?" Harry asked.

"That, young grasshopper, is a story for another day," Sirius grinned.

_

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I hope you liked it, please review! Thanks for reading, hugs and kisses,

:) x Lily Orange x (:


	2. Don't Take Sirius Present Shopping!

**Chapter 2**

**What In The Name Of Merlin's Star-Spangled Tights Would Possess You To Take Sirius Present Shopping?**

At dinner, the Weasleys, Harry, Hermione and Sirius were tucking into a shepherd's pie which Molly had made, with the help of Ginny, when Hermione bought up her idea of going book shopping the following day, inspired by Harry's quick dash into the library to deter Ginny's suspicions. He did _not _want people to know he liked her. It was embarrassing enough that his godfather had worked it out (if Sirius Black had worked it out, who else had?) but he didn't want everybody else to as well. He could feel himself blushing as he thought about it at the dinner table.

Ron, who was sat on one side of Harry, hissed in his best friend's ear, "That girl is bloody mental!" But, after a steely glare from Hermione, who seemed to have heard what he said, he was commending the idea along with everybody else. They were all seemingly unaware of Harry's mysterious red face and were all planning where they were going to go when they were in Diagon Alley.

"Make sure you visit our shop," Fred and George chorused as they shovelled forkfuls of roast potatoes into their mouths. "We have new stock this week."

"As long as it doesn't cause too much trouble," Molly said warningly as she poured herself a goblet of Butterbeer.

"Mum, it's a _joke_ shop!" George protested, snorting with laughter.

"You're talking to us, not Percy," Fred reminded her, "can you just imagine what Percy would sell if he had a shop?"

"Books on how to be a perfect prefect..." George chuckled into his dinner.

"...and on the thickness of cauldron bottoms," Fred finished, exploding with laughter over his food.

"Now, boys, _really_," Molly chastised them disapprovingly. Then she clocked her husband, Arthur, laughing along with everybody else – apart from Percy, who looked very disgruntled as he tried unsuccessfully to viciously pierce his peas with his fork. "Arthur!"

"Sorry, Molly, sorry, Percy," he said, rearranging his face so that it was no longer laughing, "boys, that was very unfair. Apologise to your brother." At this point Arthur spluttered into his napkin. Molly took it as him coughing on the huge swig of pumpkin juice he had just drunk; Sirius took it as him spluttering with laughter and surreptitiously winked at Harry.

Unfortunately for him, Molly didn't miss much, and cut right across Fred and George's haphazard apology to their rather boring brother. "Don't you wink across my table, Sirius Black," she reprimanded him. The fiery look in her eyes (similar to, Harry observed, the look on Ginny's face when she got angry) dissuaded Sirius from pedantically reminding her that it was, in fact, his table and his house that they were dining in, instead of the Burrow.

"Sorry, Perce," the twins said in symphony, grinning charismatically at their older brother.

"But you could lighten up a bit," Fred added audaciously, earning a whack around the back of the head from his mother, who was sat beside him.

"That's enough from you two," Molly said threateningly as she dished out the pudding, apple crumble. Everybody took large portions appreciatively and dug in as Harry looked up to meet Ginny's gaze. She smiled at him pleasantly, her beautiful toffee-coloured eyes (Harry was too far gone to chide himself for being so soppy) glinting spectacularly. However, the intent look he was sending her made her blush, and she quickly averted her eyes. He frowned into his pudding as he ate.

"At least it's my birthday next week," Ginny said brightly. Suddenly, Harry had a brainwave – he could impress Ginny, the girl of his dreams, with a completely brilliant present that would be so brilliant that she would instantly fall in love with him!

Yeah, it was a little far-fetched, but he had avoided death about six times now. He was "The Chosen One". So, if he could defy death – he could impress the girl he was head over heels for with a well-chosen present, couldn't he?

*

Harry was already doubting his courageous thoughts about his ability to choose Ginny a brilliant present that she would love. He was standing in the middle of Diagon Alley, flanked by Ron and Hermione, looking at all the shops surrounding him. Hermione was immediately intent on visiting Flourish and Blotts' for the books she wanted – there was no _way _Ginny would consider a book a special present that would evoke the loving feelings Harry was hoping for. That was what Ron needed to do in order to capture Hermione's heart (though Harry was quite certain Ron had ensnared Hermione's heart many years previous, but he was keeping quiet about it) – buy her a Special Edition copy of _Hogwarts: A History_. He smiled at the thought, but then was quickly bought back to the matter in hand.

Choosing Ginny the perfect birthday present.

In fact, Ginny was nearby, queuing up at the window of Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour in order to buy a large raspberry, chocolate and caramel swirl ice cream for herself. Behind her in the queue was Sirius, elated about the fact that Florean Fortescue was now selling a new flavour of ice cream: quadruple-chocolate-triple-fudge-vanilla delight, which he fully intended on testing out.

"Where do you wanna go?" Ron asked – and instantly Hermione cut in.

"Can we go to Flou–"

"Flourish and Blotts'?" Ron said with an amused expression, and she nodded excitedly. He turned to his best mate. "You coming, Harry?"

"I'll, er, catch you up. I need to go get something with Sirius – see you in a bit," he stuttered. Ron shrugged before Hermione dragged him off in the direction of the bookshop, babbling about the new books out that she wanted to read and that she just had to buy.

"Same old Hermione," Harry chuckled to himself before joining Sirius in the ice cream queue. Ginny was at the front, staring wide-eyed at the ice cream she was presented with by the cashier, who winked at her suggestively (he was probably about eighteen, but his face, in Harry's opinion, looked like a Hippogriff's backside) and said, in a rather flirtatious voice,

"Have a nice day."

Ginny smiled and rolled her eyes – people tended to react to her like this. Harry didn't blame them. She was absolutely beautiful. Today, her long red hair was loose, hanging down her back in crimson curls, and her brown eyes were sparkling in the summer sunshine. She was wearing what she thought was a casual outfit and what Harry thought was a stunning one: a white oversized Weird Sisters t-shirt with denim shorts, faded electric blue Converse trainers and a few silver beaded necklaces around her deliciously pale neck.

"Hey Harry," she greeted him as she turned round.

"Oh, er, hi, Ginny," he stammered, feeling like a complete idiot.

"I'm going to meet Luna in Eeylops Owl Emporium, do you want to come?" Ginny asked, licking some of the raspberry ice cream off the top of the ice cream. Harry practically shivered as he saw her pulling the chocolate Flake out of it and eating it, before sucking the chocolate ice cream off her finger. She was so mesmerizing.

"Unfortunately Ginny, Harry can't. He's coming shopping with me," Sirius said, flashing Ginny a charming smile that won many women in his day. Ginny grinned.

"I'll see you later then," she smiled, "have fun!" She wandered off in the direction of the pet shop, leaving Harry to watch her walk away longingly.

"Couldn't I have gone with her?" Harry whined after her retreating figure. Sirius snorted with laughter.

"Not now Romeo, we need to go find Juliet a cracker of a present," he grinned, throwing his arm around his godson's shoulder and leading him down Diagon Alley, past all the shops they normally visited. Harry saw Hermione avidly looking at the books through the window of Flourish and Blotts', with Ron leaning up against a shelf, looking bored out of his mind. Ginny and Luna were cooing over a tiny grey own in Eeylops Owl Emporium and feeding it treats through the metal bars of its large cage. Fred and George were entrancing shoppers with the extent of their rule-breaking joke equipment in Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Molly and Arthur were looking in the window of Madam Malkin's at a huge display of new dress robes, fresh in from the wizard catwalks in Milan (so the bright red sign in the window claimed).

"Where exactly do we find a, um, 'cracker' of a present?" Harry asked as they entered a section of the Alley full of shops Harry had never entered before. There was a hair salon, a couple of clothes shops – and then Harry clocked what it was exactly Sirius was looking at, and probably intending on taking him inside of.

"In there," Sirius said; a huge smile was lighting up his handsome face. A passing woman blushed as he winked at her. Harry rolled his eyes.

"There's no way I'm going in there," he told his godfather deprecatingly.

"Why not, Harry?" Sirius beamed at him roguishly.

"You know why not," Harry said obstinately, his green eyes staring at Sirius sternly.

"Aw, Harry, it's only underwear," Sirius said innocently, dragging Harry towards the door of the shop which looked to be full of pink and lace. "Or, to be exact, _La Belle Lingerie Du Paris_," he informed him, putting on a rather exaggerated French accent.

"Merlin's pants, I'm not going in there!" Harry exclaimed, his face heating up.

"Be mature, Harry!" Sirius barked, shoving Harry into the shop with so much force he fell into a rack of inky purple lace bras and matching knickers, sending them sprawling across the floor. The assistant, who was at the desk, looked up, sensing commotion. She rushed over to where Harry was being helped up out of the mountain if bras by Sirius, and plastered on her sales girl smile. This was immediately swapped for an enamoured, flirtatious grin when her pale olive eyes locked with Sirius'.

"Hello, how may I help you?" she said, mentally undressing Sirius as Harry looked as if he wanted Voldemort to appear and kill him right there and then.

"Well, my godson here would like to get a present for his girlfriend–" Sirius began suavely.

"She's not my girlfriend!" Harry interjected in protestation.

"–his soon to _be _girlfriend–"

"She won't appreciate a present from here!"

"–to impress her senseless–"

"Merlin you're embarrassing!"

"–so that she'll want to snog his face off right there and then!" he finished triumphantly.

"Seriously, I don't even know you!" Harry said, his emerald eyes wide. He quickly made for the door, taking advantage of the time Sirius was spending sending flirty glances at the shop assistant, but Sirius' reflexes were too rapid, and soon he was standing right next to his godfather, his face burning in embarrassment.

"He does know me," Sirius smiled charmingly, "and we'd like to get a present for his soon-to-be girlfriend."

"Certainly sir, what sort of thing did you have in mind?" she replied, directing her question at Harry whilst simultaneously staring at Sirius.

"Nothing, thanks," Harry reddened whilst inappropriate thoughts circulated in his brain.

"He wants to get her something sexy – lacy, but not too fussy, and pretty," Sirius answered for him. As the sales assistant led them through the stands of underwear, Sirius leaned down to whisper into Harry's ear, "Might as well enjoy it. You'll be the one seeing it."

Harry stamped on Sirius' foot which so much force Sirius howled in pain, hopping around and accidentally kicking over a stand of lace stockings and making the display fly up into the air – and somehow get a pair of heart-print ones to land on his head.

A giggle escaped the assistant's mouth as she stood on her tiptoes to take them off of his head.

"If you'd like to follow me over here," she smiled, gesturing to a stand filled with pale, rose-pink bras and matching knickers with bits of lace and ribbon sewn onto them decoratively. "How about something like this?"

"Nah, I think she'd prefer a book–" Harry shrugged, trying desperately to get out the shop, no matter the cost.

"Yep, this is great," Sirius cut across his godson.

"Do you know what size she is?" she asked, flicking through the rack of bras.

"Er, no, why would I?" Harry asked.

"Well, is she rather – petite, or is she–"

"–a biiiiiig girl?" Sirius interrupted, smirking whilst Harry compiled a mental list of a hundred and one ways to injure his godfather _very severely_.

"Er... somewhere in between?" Harry offered vaguely. Like he knew what Ginny's chest size was – it wasn't like he stared at her in that way. At all.

"I tell you what, I can perform a spell on it so that it magically shapes to be the perfect size for her when she puts it on, how about that?"

"Absolutely perfect," Sirius grinned. "Can we get some matching pantaloonies and then we'll pay?"

"Certainly, sir," the shop assistant said, trying desperately to keep a straight face as she performed the incantation and took their selection to the till.

"I am _not _giving this to Ginny for her birthday," Harry hissed as Sirius steered him towards the till.

"You _so _are," Sirius chuckled, "I can't wait to see the look on Molly's face..."

"You... you..." Harry stuttered as the assistant totalled up the price.

"That'll be... a galleon and six sickles, sir," she said pleasantly. Harry glared daggers at Sirius, who put the money down on the desk. He ran his fingers through his hair, in a manner reminiscent of his father.

"I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind me asking – but are you _the _Harry Potter?" she asked in awe as she saw a glimpse of what looked to be a lightning bolt-shaped scar on the customer's forehead.

"No, absolutely not," Harry denied as Sirius grinned widely.

"Why of course he is! Who else would he be? And he's buying sexy underwear for his soon-to-be girlfriend! Now, is there a possibility of getting this gift-wrapped?" Sirius inquired as Harry banged his head repeatedly on the desk, wishing to Merlin that he could be anywhere but in _La Belle Lingerie Du Paris_.


	3. Don't Take Sirius' Style Advice!

**The Love Guru**

_By Lily Orange_

**A/N: **Sorry about the little wait for this chapter - like most people out there I have been a bit busy :) so I hope you enjoy this one! I'm not sure about this chapter, but I hope it doesn't disappoint! Full thank yous to everybody are at the bottom!

I'd just like to say thank you for your continued support with my writing - it means a lot and I'm glad people enjoy what is produced when I put pen to paper (or rather, fingers to keyboards, but whatever!)! Love and hugs to you all x

Ooh and as well, please check out my profile for details on stories coming soon - I think the next one shall be a Rose & Scorpius one, and I was wondering whether you wanted me to post the first chapter as a teaser? It probably won't be continued until June/July time but I wondered if you wanted that to read anyway? Let me know what you think!

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**Chapter Three**

**Flipping Neville, Don't Take Sirius' Style Tips!**

"I told you it would go down well," Sirius grinned roguishly as he and Harry sat on the grass outside the Burrow. A few days before, the Weasleys had relocated back to their actual home (now tired of being in the urbane and rather dark Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place) and had, of course, invited Harry along with him – and Sirius too. Molly had done this rather begrudgingly, but had welcomed him all the same.

"_Well_?" Harry echoed in disbelief, turning to look at his godfather incredulously. From what he could see, Sirius did not seem to be joking. Sometimes he wondered how his dad's best friend's mind operated – it was certainly different to the workings of everybody else's. "You think that it went down _well_?"

"I told you all girls love a bit of _lingerie_ – and little miss bee-yoo-ti-ful redhead was no different," Sirius sniggered.

"Do you not recall what happened this morning?" Harry questioned dubiously. It was Ginny's birthday, and they were all relaxing outside after a rather eventful morning of present-giving. After a large, sumptuous dinner that Molly was currently slaving over in the kitchen (much to her delight, of course), they were going to the muggle cinema. Apparently Ginny had always wanted to go – Arthur was of course very enthusiastic, but she made it clear that it would just be her, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George and Harry. Harry was quite excited about it – the last time he had been to the cinema was when he had been about seven, with his oversized cousin Dudley (who he had had the misfortune to live in the same house as for a week at the beginning of the summer holidays) and his Aunt and Uncle, to see some romantic comedy about this man who fell in love with a shop mannequin who was formerly an Egyptian princess – it wasn't particularly his cup of tea, or Dudley's either, who wailed all the way through it until Uncle Vernon bought him a triple-scoop vanilla raspberry fudge ice cream sprinkled with chocolate buttons and brown sugar. Altogether, it hadn't been a very positive experience. Ginny had selected a film called _Romeo + Juliet_ for them to see, which she was rather excited about. Hermione couldn't stop talking about the leading male, Leonardo diSomething-or-other, which was making Ron very jealous – especially when Hermione lectured him after he substituted Leonardo's name for something rather less... complimentary.

It also earned him a whack around the head from his irritated mother with the cushion she had been positioning on the settee at the very same time. Still, it had been rather funny.

However, Harry considered himself very lucky to still be alive after the debacle that was the gift-giving this morning. He played it over in his mind, shuddering at what had happened – to be honest, he would have taken duelling with Voldemort over giving Ginny the rather suggestive present Sirius had selected any day...

_He had intelligently decided to hide the underwear underneath his bed in Ron's bedroom and had swapped it with a rather more sensible present of a book which he had ordered out of the _Daily Prophet_. He would chuck it out when nobody was looking and nobody, particularly Sirius, would be any the wiser. It was an extremely brilliant plan, he thought. There was no room for anything at all to go wrong. _

_Maybe Ginny wasn't as bookish as Hermione (the only girl Harry had ever had to buy presents for in her capacity as his best friend, besides Ron), but she would probably appreciate it all the same. At least it was less suggestive than rose pink lacy underwear. Ron would probably murder him if he knew what was lying underneath his bed. _

"_Do you two intend on getting out of bed this morning? Everybody's waiting downstairs for Ginny to open her presents!" a rather insistent female voice – that bore more than a passing resemblance to the indignant voice belonging to Hermione – said from the other side of the door._

_Ron lifted an eyelid and managed to say, "Bloody hell!" before there was an eruption of snores. Harry snorted with laughter._

"_I'm not even kidding, Ronald!" _

_It was definitely Hermione chastising them from outside. _

"_Shuddup," Ron yelled back, rolling over so violently that he fell out of his bed and onto the floor. "Now see what you made me do!" He was now wide awake and sitting on his floor, his bright orange Chudley Cannons pyjamas matching his hair horribly. _

"_Good, now you're up, you can come down stairs and watch your sister open her birthday presents," Hermione said in a sing song voice. Ron reluctantly got up, knocking over a stack of comics entitled _The Adventure of Marvin Miggs, the Mad Muggle_, and staggering towards the door. _

"_You comin', 'Arry?" he said, simultaneously yawning and almost banging his head on the doorframe as he stretched._

_Harry clambered out his bed, creating a little less destruction than Ron as he walked towards the door. Then he remembered Ginny's present, wrapped up in his bedside drawer. He pulled open the drawer, but it wasn't there._

"_Oh, I took all the presents down yesterday," Ron said, answering his unspoken question. He nodded, thinking nothing of it, and they wandered down the stairs together, whilst Hermione rebuked Ron for his incessant laziness – and Ron lapped it up, purposely arguing with her. It was quite sweet, really. _

"_Finally! What were you two doing?" Fred asked._

"_Constructing a scaled down model of Hogwarts?" George finished. _

"_Be quiet, you two," Molly growled threateningly. "It's lovely to see you down – now, Ginny, would you like to open your presents?"_

"_Would I ever!" Ginny said excitedly. She advanced towards the pile – then Harry noticed something that wasn't supposed to be there. A gift bag printed with pink roses and sprinkled with colour-changing glitter, tied at the top with a pink lace ribbon, was sat the centre of the present pile. _

_He stopped dead. _

_That gift bag did not belong there._

_IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HIDDEN UNDERNEATH HIS BED!_

"_Ron, why is that bag there?" Harry whispered, pointing to the offending item which could potentially, if opened, cause hell to break loose. _

"_Oh, I saw it under your bed and it was addressed to Ginny, so I stuck it there," Ron answered, leaning his head against an embroidered cushion and closing his eyes._

_MERLIN! He had to get that bag out of the way before Ginny tried to open it._

_He surreptitiously pulled himself along the floor, towards the bag which was getting closer and closer to Ginny's rapid present-opening hands. If he could just grab it..._

_THERE! HE HAD IT! The bag was in his hands..._

"_Thanks, Harry!" Ginny said brightly, swiping the present bag out of his hands._

_No. No. NOOOOO!_

"_Ginny, you can't open that–" Harry gabbled quickly, but she was already untying the bow._

_He closed his eyes, wishing fervently that either: a) he did not exist, or b) the present would suddenly vanish._

_Apparently, he had no such luck. _

"_Oh my Merlin," Ginny said as she lifted a rose pink lacy bra and matching knickers out of the bag, her cheeks rapidly colouring. They were, though pink, not a patch on Harry's. He had flushed beetroot, and was trying to hide himself behind the sofa – though he couldn't mistake the huge grin that had materialized on Sirius' face. _

"_Wh– who– who's it from?" Molly spluttered._

"_What, you didn't get them for me?" Ginny asked, her face reddening even further. Though she secretly admitted that they were a really nice gift, she would have preferred not to open them in front of her family and friends – consisting of two females (her mum and Hermione) and six males (her dad, Charlie – who was back from Romania for a week – Fred, George, Ron, Sirius and Harry. Especially not Harry – she already embarrassed herself in front of him enough!). _

"_No!" Molly replied. _

"_What does the label say, sis?" Fred inquired audaciously._

"_Looks like somebody is being ever so slightly suggestive..." George winked, causing a missile (in the form of a cushion) to be thrown at his head._

"_The label says ... _'Happy Birthday Ginny'," _Ginny read. "No name."_

"_Who put it there then?" Molly said, desperate to find out who exactly would buy her precious daughter such a... _provocative _present. Nobody said anything – the only sounds that could be heard were those of the chickens clucking in the yard, mixed with suspicious snores from Ron. She was beginning to suspect Fred and George to have planted it there, as a joke – seeing as their shop was in Diagon Alley, near to _La Belle Lingerie Du Paris_, as the label declared in elaborately curled writing. She missed Sirius stuffing his fist into his mouth to stop himself from howling with laughter, as the situation was just too funny. However, her suspicions were changed when Ron looked up and saw the present._

"_I found that under Harry's bed," he recalled, wiping his blue eyes with his hands and focussing on the living room. _

"_Under Harry's bed?" everybody echoed. Sirius began to cry, his stormy grey expressive eyes filling up as he tried expertly to suppress any form of laughter._

"_Harry, Harry, Harry..." Fred grinned._

"_Who knew that under that heroic exterior..." George continued._

"_...you were buying _lingerie_," Fred snorted. Charlie and Sirius exploded into great big guffaws, unable to contain themselves any longer. _

"_Be quiet! That's enough of your double act for this morning!" Molly snapped. _

"_Maybe we should just forget about it – ah, what about this big present here?" Ginny said breezily, pushing her hair out of her blushing face, desperately avoiding Harry's eyes, who looked like he wanted to disintegrate there and then._

"It was definitely not a success," Harry concluded, shaking his head, messing up his untameable hair even more than before.

"She still wants you to go to the sinnyma with her," Sirius pointed out.

"It's 'cinema'," Harry corrected pedantically.

"Whatever. It was priceless," Sirius chuckled. "If your dad was here, we would have been rolling around on the floor laughing."

"You _were_ rolling around on the floor laughing – for about half an hour afterwards," Harry said furiously.

"You know what, we need to pick out a brilliant outfit for you to wear to the cinema!" Sirius suggested, his eyes lighting up as if a light bulb had been switched on.

"You sound like a girl!"

"I managed to get dates with millions of girls; I know how to dress _sexily_!"

"No, it's okay," Harry said firmly.

"It's fine, Harry, I'd love to offer my services as a Style Guru!"

"SIRIUS, IT'S FINE!" Harry bellowed.

"How about... a Guns N' Roses t-shirt?"

"No."

"A schoolboy outfit?"

"No."

"I've got it... a vampire costume!"

"NO!"

"Fine, I was only trying to help," Sirius grumbled. "We should go and buy you a whole new outfit."

"No way am I going shopping with _you _again. We'll end up in _La Belle Lingerie Du _bloody _Paris_ again," Harry shuddered at the thought.

"Well I wouldn't mind seeing that shop assistant again," Sirius said dreamily.

"She was offering it on a plate," Harry said dismissively.

"They're the best ones," Sirius grinned cheekily and Harry kicked him violently.

"I think you should shut up now," Harry suggested.

"I don't... you know, it could all be heating up at the cinema tonight! I really want to come!" Sirius whined.

"There is no way you are coming to the cinema," Harry said rapidly, "absolutely no way ON THIS EARTH."

_

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_

Okay, I hope you liked that chapter! Please review and tell me what you think; thanks for reading! Okay, full thanks to everybody now:

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:) x Lily Orange x (:


	4. Don't Take Sirius To The Cinema!

**The Love Guru**

_By Lily Orange_

**A/N: **Thanks for the response to the last chapter - you're all amazing! Proper thanks to everybody is at the bottom :) I hope you're all having an amazing weekend!!

You know I said I might post the first chapter of a new story to be continued in the summer? Well I'm going to post it in about 10 minutes :) so please give it a read! Thank you, I hope you like this chapter and please review!

**

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Chapter Four

**Why The Bloody Hippogriff Would You Let Sirius Go The Cinema?**

"Why did we have to bring Sirius?" Harry moaned to Ron as they wandered through the doors of the nearby cinema at Ottery St. Catchpole.

"Dunno," Ron said stubbornly – he was in a bad mood after he had watched Hermione coo over large posters of Leonardo diWhatever-his-name-is that were plastered up on the brickwork of the cinema building outside.

"This is so exciting!" Sirius said elatedly. Harry rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Calm down," Ginny warned him, "try to look normal. Now, who wants to come and buy the tickets with me?"

"How about I go?" Hermione suggested.

"Can I come too? Pretty please? Oh pretty please with a hippogriff on top?" Sirius begged, kneeling down on the floor in front of Ginny.

"Get up!" Ginny smiled. "If you behave you can."

"It's like looking after a small child," Harry whined.

"Well _hello _there," Sirius said in his most charming voice to a passing woman.

"Yeah, a small child who is obsessed with women," Fred commented in amusement.

"Talking of _women_," George said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. The rest of the assembled group followed his gaze, to where two teenaged twin girls were standing. They were probably about eighteen, both with long dark hair, wearing summer dresses and heeled wedge sandals.

"Ready Fred?" George grinned.

"Ready George!" Fred replied.

"Bottoms up!" they said in unison before quickly crossing the cinema foyer to introduce themselves to the good-looking twin girls, who immediately began to laugh at what the two flame-haired boys were saying.

"This is going to be a _fun _experience," Ron muttered as Fred and George were whisked off into the cinema by the girls, grinning inanely at each other. "Smug idiots."

"Sorry?" Hermione said as she and Ginny rejoined the group – Sirius still working his charm on the ticket lady.

"Oh, er, nothing!!" Ron said brightly, his cheeks tinged pink. Ron had recognised (quite a few times actually) that Hermione was looking especially pretty today. She had, under the direction of Ginny, tamed her hair and had made it fall into soft brown curls, cascading down her back like a chocolate waterfall. As it was the height of summer, she was wearing a t-shirt and a summery skirt with ballet pumps – and, although what she was wearing was rather plain, he thought she looked nice.

It was nothing compared to the thoughts that were racing through Harry's mind, though, as they pushed open the doors to get through to the food court part of the cinema. In his opinion, Ginny looked like a flame-haired goddess – her hair was straight and she was wearing shorts and a vest top with an emerald green cardigan – a goddess he couldn't seem to pluck up the courage to tell her he liked her.

More than liked, actually. But he didn't want to scare her.

"Where's your date?" Ron hollered at Sirius, who had followed them through with a glum expression on his face, clutching the orange ticket in his left hand.

"I tried to invite her to come and watch the film – but she doesn't get off work till eleven," he replied forlornly.

"Well, that does make sense, Sirius, seeing as she was the ticket lady," Harry sniggered. Sirius just raised an eyebrow and looked pointedly at Ginny, who was examining the ice cream stand intensely.

"Oh my Merlin – they have an ICE CREAM machine!" Ginny gasped, pointing at a silver cube with a tap on the front, surrounded by different sauces and toppings for the ice cream.

"Such a thing _exists_?" Sirius said in shock, all thought of the ticket lady out of his head. "It must have been invented by the Gods..."

"You know, it doesn't produce ice cream telepathically," Hermione prompted them, and suddenly Ginny and Sirius sprinted over to the ice cream machine, nearly knocking over a small child in the process.

"I knew this wasn't a good idea..." Ron shuddered as Ginny whacked Sirius over the head with an empty ice cream bowl, and he threw a handful of jelly babies in her face.

"Ron, we're prefects, we should intervene!" Hermione said urgently. Ron burst out laughing, clutching his sides. "What?" she asked indignantly.

"It's – the – summer – holidays! – We – don't – have – to – prefect – in – the – HOLIDAYS!" Ron gasped between guffaws. Hermione frowned at him before stalking over to separate the sugar-fuelled brawl that was unfolding right before their eyes.

"Merlin, that cannot be good..." Harry observed as Ginny began squirting strawberry sauce in Sirius' hair, and he began to howl.

"Excuse me," a very stern voice cut through their thoughts, "are you with those three?"

The two boys turned to see a disgruntled looking man, wearing a badge that declared him to be Dave Churchill, Manager of the Cinema. He had a scratchy-looking face, as if he hadn't shaved for a couple of days, and he was slightly overweight. He made quite a comical figure.

"Nope," Harry answered quickly.

"Never seen them before in my life," Ron continued, adding a smile. The manager seemed satisfied before walking purposefully over to where Hermione was desperately trying to stop the ice cream machine from spewing out vanilla everywhere, seeing as Sirius had jammed the handle down.

"I think we should go," Harry said, and they quietly _attempted _to slip away without being seen by their friends, who were trying, along with the cinema manager, to fix the jammed ice cream machine, _attempted _being the operative word.

They thought they had gotten away with it as they approached the ticket barrier. To be honest, there was no reason why they shouldn't. Albeit mainly because of Harry's invisibility cloak, they were both experts of sneaking out of places. They just had to employ the same sort of technique, being quiet and tiptoeing away, and hopefully–

"RONALD WEASLEY!"

Ron cursed under his breath as he turned round to view the spectacle him and Harry had hoped to leave behind them. Both Hermione and Ginny, staring at them with indignant looks on their faces, hands on hips and frowning, in a 'where-do-you-think-you're-going' sort of way. Sirius, however, was perfectly happy consuming all the ice cream he had managed to collect in three hundred and twelve mini cones, which the exasperated manager had let him keep (it saved on the cleaning up) free of charge.

Their faces were thunderous – clearly they wanted Ron and Harry to help them get Sirius away from the empty ice cream machine (empty after he had eaten it all) and somehow get him into Screen 2. It was a seemingly impossible task – but fortunately they were rescued by the arrival of a short-skirted, generous-boobed, blonde-haired and high-heeled woman who sauntered past them, swinging her hips like there was no tomorrow.

Like a dog tempted by a juicy bone, Sirius immediately jumped up from under the ice cream chute, where he was licking off the remnants of the cold and sweet dessert, and scampered off after her.

"That is the second woman he's tried to sink his teeth into this evening!" Hermione said in disbelief, not uncrossing her arms.

"Yeah, but she's a bit of alright," Ron snorted, running his hand through his fluorescent red hair.

"Shut up, Ronald," Hermione said in disgust, stalking off towards the door of the cinema.

"You are one great big idiot," Ginny observed serenely before turning away from her red-faced brother and to his delicious emerald-eyed best friend, "Harry, shall we go and watch the film?"

"Sounds like a good idea," Harry agreed brightly, mentally thanking his lucky stars that Ginny had suggested such an idea. He couldn't get over how stunning she was... her glossy hair, the colour of a hibiscus flower... her toffee, caramel-swirl eyes that enticed you like a grindylow at the bottom of a lake. She was perfection itself, in his eyes.

They slid into two seats near to where Fred and George were ardently snogging the pretty twins they had met earlier – regardless of the fact the film hadn't even started yet.

"Delightful – they're almost in sync!" Ginny commented.

The trailers for new films were almost over – Harry could discern Ron's voice whispering profuse apologies to an irritated Hermione. He grinned, before focussing on the picture materializing on the huge cinema screen.

"Whoa, I wonder if McGonagall knows how to do _that_!" a familiar voice gabbled excitedly right behind Harry and Ginny.

"Yer wha'?" a female voice followed.

Harry silently prayed that it wasn't who he thought – or rather, _knew, _it was. His prayers were evidently not answered when he was tapped on the shoulder.

He reluctantly turned to look behind.

"Hello!" Sirius beamed at him cheerily.

"Goodbye," Harry replied, making Ginny laugh.

"How rude!" Sirius growled vociferously.

"Be quiet!" his bodacious female companion ordered.

"You!" Sirius responded childishly, sticking out his tongue as if he was six, not thirty-six.

"Oh _my _gosh," she uttered before scooting up a few seats away from Sirius.

"_Such _a shame," Ginny said sympathetically, before exploding into fits of giggles, just as men began to shoot at each other on screen.

"Well they aren't being very friendly – and what's that they're banging at each other?" Sirius yelled. Harry rolled his eyes – something he kept doing throughout the _whole _film.

When Romeo was pining for Rosaline, Sirius commented, "What's he moping around like a sad old weirdo for?"

When Romeo and Juliet kissed for the first time at the party, he said, "Well they didn't waste time!"

When Juliet drank the potion, he _bellowed: _"NO! It was probably concocted by Snivellus! He's trying to POISON youuuuuu!"

To which an old lady threw a bucket of popcorn at his head – and, for an eighty-two-year-old, she had an exceptional aim.

"I think I am concussed!" he declared, before eating the popcorn that had fallen in his lap.

And when it was nearly at the end, when Romeo was weeping over Juliet's seemingly lifeless body, Sirius hissed in Harry's ear, "Put your arm around her!"

Ginny was quietly weeping – although normally she tough, she was letting the film get to her. To be fair, it was very emotional. Her head was alarmingly close to Harry's shoulder... it was so tempting – but he just couldn't do it.

"Merlin, if you won't do it, _I'll _do it for you!" Sirius whispered and leaned back in his chair, kicking Harry's arm rather violently. Then, as Harry obstinately refused to move, Sirius hooked his foot through the crook of Harry's elbow and yanked his arm up and dropped it...

Right on top of Ginny's head.

"Ow!" she cursed. She then turned to look at Harry, who was about to open his mouth to apologise, but when his eyes locked with Ginny's – it was if time had stopped. Everything else was going on... the crunching of popcorn, the happenings of the film, the snogging in the back row... except for them, it was magically paused.

"OH MY MERLIN – just _kiss _her!" Sirius interrupted.

"Way to ruin the moment," Harry muttered in annoyance.

"I'm willing to comply with his request," Ginny smiled impishly. Harry raised his eyebrows, but the moment had returned.

It was as if a raging inferno was blazing as they kissed – releasing pent-up feelings that had been suppressed for far too long. They felt like they were dancing in the moonlight together – the film had been completely forgotten.

It was utterly perfect.

_

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__Yay! They kissed :) and Sirius helped, haha! I hope you liked the chapter, tell me your thoughts in a review - thanks for reading! Okay, on with my thank yous!_

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:) x Lily Orange x (:


	5. Don't Invite Sirius To The Wedding!

****

The Love Guru

_By Lily Orange_

**A/N: **Thanks for the response to the last chapter - you're all amazing! Proper thanks to everybody is at the bottom :) I hope you're all having an amazing week! I can't believe this is the last chapter - I hope you've enjoyed this story as much as I did writing it :) I also hope you like this ending - it's romantic, hopefully kinda funny with some Sirius mixed in... of course, he had to cause some chaos at the wedding! Ooh... and seeing as this is the last chapter, I'd love to get over 100 reviews - pretty please? Haha! Thank you so much for reading!

Please don't forget to check out **Every Rose Has Its Thorn** and I'll be posting another chapter for **Bad Romance** in a bit, so if you like Sirius (I do :P) please give that a read! Thank you so much for your continuing support, love and hugsss!

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**Chapter 5**

**Please, If It's The Last Thing You Ever Do, Make Sure You Don't Invite Sirius To The Wedding!**

The sides of the marquee were rolled up to let the golden summer sunshine shine in, reflecting off the huge bouquets of turquoise and violet flowers, silver balloons and streamers and the stash of _Weasleys Wildfire Whiz-bangs _fireworks in the corner (which had managed to evade the hawk-like gaze of the bride's mother). Small tables were dotted around a wooden square that was lying on top of the grass as a little dance floor. Everything was ready for the wedding reception – just the guests and the bride and groom had to be there, now.

The wedding of Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley had been a curious one. After the defeat of Voldemort, Ginny had completed her last year at school and Harry had gone straight into the Auror office, with Ron. Ginny was signed on to the Holyhead Harpies Quidditch team and Harry became one of the most pictured wizarding celebrities in the gossip section of the _Daily Prophet_ – pictures of him and Ginny going on dates and pictures of him cheering her on at the countless Harpies matches were printed virtually every week.

Ginny and Harry did not get engaged right away – Harry had learned from Sirius that James and Lily, Harry's parents, had gotten engaged during seventh year. Though he loved Ginny more than words could ever say, he didn't want to get engaged too soon – although he knew that he would inevitably spend the rest of his life with her... he wouldn't be able to cope if he didn't.

Instead, they got engaged on Harry's twenty-second birthday, when Ginny was nearly twenty-one, when they were holidaying in Peru together. As soon as they had climbed to Macchu Pitchu, Harry had gotten down on one knee and had produced a simple but beautiful sapphire ring that Ginny had immediately accepted.

One year later (almost), they got married. However, unlike the Weasleys before them, they decided to get married somewhere entirely different and then have the reception at the Burrow – as was tradition. Though Harry and Ginny now had their own house (a beautiful country cottage in a village that was near a secluded beach – the perfect location for an Auror and a Quidditch star-cum-reporter), bought recently after they sold their London flat, the Burrow was perfect to both of them. It was Ginny's childhood home, and a place where Harry had felt truly wanted and loved. But they had chosen to get married on a blissful summer's day in the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, between the castle, Quidditch pitch and overlooking the lake. Behind them stood the white tomb – the place of rest of Albus Dumbledore.

At four o'clock precisely, numerous 'pop's could be heard surrounding the Burrow. People were apparating from the wedding ceremony to the marquee for the reception. Harry's work colleagues, the whole Holyhead Harpies team and their other halves, the heavily extended Weasley family, their school friends, old teachers – and Dudley Dursley. Harry had felt that he was obligated to invite Dudley, and, although his Uncle Vernon had practically had a coronary when Dudley had said he was going, it was quite nice for him to be there.

"I can't believe we're married!" Ginny Potter said excitedly to her new husband as they entered the marquee, laughing and smiling with the other guests.

"It is amazing," Harry agreed, beaming at his wife like he had never before. "The best thing we've ever done."

"Of course," she said, entwining her fingers with his as they walked towards the main table. "Now we just have to see what our relatives have in store for us in the speeches."

"You know, I'm kind of worried about what Sirius is going to say," Harry grinned, "he's not exactly known to be the most sensible of people."

"At least he'll give us a lively speech," Ginny pointed out, sitting on Harry's lap instead of on her own chair behind the table.

"You bet I will!" Sirius called above the hubbub, throwing his arms around his godson and his new wife. "I'll have a lot to say about how I was instrumental in you two lovebirds getting it on–"

"It needs to be family friendly!" Ginny pointed out before exploding into infectious giggles.

"Ah, I need a drink!" Sirius said happily before literally pouncing on the bottles of firewhisky on the tops of the tables.

Hours later, after they had all eaten, it was time for the speeches. Arthur, Harry, Ron and George all said something – and then it was time for Sirius' speech. Unfortunately, Sirius was nowhere to be seen.

"Anyone seen him?" Harry grinned.

"He tried to give Lizzie his number!" Harry's fellow Auror, George Lennon, said, pointing at their female Auror friend, Lizzie Craig, who blushed and gulped down some champagne.

Ever since Harry and Ginny had bought Sirius a telephone for his house, he couldn't stop giving out his number to prospective girlfriends. He never made any calls, he just received them from the numerous women he charmed each day.

"Sounds like him," Ron snorted, looking adoringly at his girlfriend (soon-to-be fiancée) Hermione, who laughed.

"Maybe the Wrackspurts got to him," Luna offered from her table, and her boyfriend Rolf nodded fervently. "We'll go look for them – they tend to centre around water."

"I found him!" Angelina Johnson called, pointing underneath the buffet table – and sure enough, Sirius was lying there, grinning lazily, surrounded by empty bottles of firewhisky.

"He is off his head," Ron observed, and everybody laughed and looked to the infamous womaniser.

"Hello everybody," Sirius said brightly, his voice slurred, and waving at them all.

"Sirius, you were supposed to be making a speech!" Harry reminded him in amusement.

"Ah, I'll make it – hic – now! Harry and – hic – Ginny are absolutely perfect for – hic – each other. Firstly they – hic – both like cake! What more – hic – would you want?"

"Is that it?" Ginny laughed.

"No! You, Ginny – hic – are a redhead. And it seems – hic – to be Potter syndrome that – hic – they must – hic – marry a redhead. James – hic – did it with Lily; James' – hic – dad did it. So if you have – hic – potty babies, and they are – hic – of the male variety, they will probably – hic – marry a redhead," Sirius finished off.

"Thank you Sirius for your words of wisdom!" Harry grinned and everybody chuckled.

"Ah, I'm not – hic – finished yet!" Sirius called, and abruptly sat up, banging his head on the table. "OWWWW! Warning – hic – don't bang your head on tables – hic – it is very painful."

"We'll remember that."

"And – hic – next time you have a wedding, don't get drunk – hic – cos you forget what you were going to – hic – say in the speeches," Sirius concluded.

"Thanks – but there won't be a next time," Ginny winked at Harry. Suddenly, the box of fireworks exploded into the sky, and sent rainbow coloured sparks everywhere in a dancing formation across the darkening sky, spelling out "HARRY AND GINNY" in red and gold.

Seizing the moment as if it was their last, Harry and Ginny kissed each other, as the golden sparks rained down on them, making them a memory.

_

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